Renegade Pol from Illinois Qualifies as Candidate by State of Louisiana
NEW ORLEANS, LA. — Formerly of Illinois and a 2020 candidate for the state’s 8th congressional district, W. Thomas La Fontaine Olson has qualified for placement on the ballot by the Office of the Secretary of State of Louisiana. The candidate was detained for an extraordinarily lengthy amount of time at the Archives building in Baton Rouge, during which bureaucrats scrambled to apologize for stately incompetence. Yet the form of payment impressed upon the candidate to the point of distraction. “Cash is king in this lousy state,” La Fontaine insists. “I would have preferred to pay in twenty dollar bills, so that I might have further mocked the cultural fawning upon Andrew Jackson, but my speed these days requires a certain plasticity, and wads of cash tend to adhere a filthiness better suited to craven politicians, such as several of my opponents.” When asked to be specific, La Fontaine only signals b